• Rahul Mahesh


My cluttered cupboard is always a matter of annoyance to my perennially spick-and-span mother. There are days when all that my mother says is: “CLEAN UP!” So I finally decided to put up to this daunting task. I went up to my cupboard which gave a Hitchcockian creak. I stared blankly at my cluttered cupboard completely clueless where to begin. I foolishly decided to pull out from the bottom. The avalanche descended, books fell on my head like a crumpling pile of dominoes. When the ‘storm’ settled, I found myself amidst my wreckage. So slowly and rather hesitantly I began my chore. I was amazed at the things I found. There were a bunch of ‘friendship bands’- which are rather transient, superfluous ‘bond’ of showy attachment. There were broken ice cream sticks which I collected long back for a certain Art project; there were loads of tattoo-stickers which were an insane craze when I was growing up. I found those long lost Cheetos ‘tazzos’ which were mainly used to ward off annoying cousins. Broken chess pieces, tattered Monopoly boards, truckloads of Twinkle comics that I used to hoard during many of my eventful train journeys. I even found my precious Pokémon trading cards which were once my Excelsior. It is rather funny how easily memories come flooding to you. Those days when I used to run to play a game of ‘Beyblade’ and ‘Duel Masters’ with my friends. Those days when collecting Pokémon albums were a matter of pride rather than having GTA5 on you Xbox. I fondly reminiscence those carefree days, when ‘Gotta catch ‘em all’ was all that rang in our heads, not board exam results or entrances. So I decided to keep them aside and go ahead. It was then that I stumbled upon my diary which I had thought to have thrown away in a moment of desolation. The coast was clear, mom was away in the kitchen; I started reading it again. It had many intimate letters I had once exchanged; I started to read all of them. There were instances I hardly remember, even those which brought a smile on my face and some a tear in the eye. I trudged on through the moments of passion, instances of rejection and agony all in those pages. Yet again I was overwhelmed with emotions. Those moments of passion and pain, love and loss, all of these took me down memory lane. There were those letters which were clearly emotionally important, yet presently a strain to my mind. For it brought back moments that I had so painfully left in the abyss of oblivion. I had to distract myself, I resumed my chore. After many a sweaty hours there shone light at the end of the tunnel. Just when I thought I was done, my eyes fell upon the same diary which I had forgotten to keep. I stared long at it, flipped over its pages, flipped over its memories and moments. Every time I read, it continued to disturb me; it used to take be back to those chartered water I had cautioned myself not to sail again. After this tumultuous voyage through those troubled waters, I came to the realisation that I was finally healed.

This absurd “replay-therapy” had awakened me; it taught me that it was over and done with. It was time to let go- the final clean-up act. Like any typical Bollywood movie, I took out a lighter and began burning them one by one. Each time I brought it to the flame, that very piece of paper seemed heavy. I burnt them, despite all the fond memories it brought to me. I wished that the other person would also attain the same realisation to forgive and forget the past. The burning flame engulfed my mind as it engulfed the paper into charred bits. By the end of this, I felt lighter than before. I had let down the burden of regret, desolation, and agonizing pain. I knew I was reborn to a brand new dawn.

Memories are like paper, once accumulated it becomes hard and heavy to carry around. The happier the memories are, easier it is to keep; the sad ones are what brings burden to the heart. It is important to realise that we are happy because we choose to be that way; happiness is a choice not a victim of circumstance. The sooner we denounce these sad memories, the closer we get to happiness- Utopia. You don’t need to watch ‘Jab We Met’ for tips to flush out your baggage. Your heart, when the time comes will show you the medium of release. Just like a chick grows out the eggshell, you will find your release. Refreshed, recycled, responsive and rejuvenated to this beautiful world which you never knew. So finally my cupboard is clean, so is my mind; I still love the people in those memories for they gave me many cherish able moments and valuable lessons to imbibe. But I am over them, yet they remain in the deepest crevice of my mind to revisit. I feel happier and freer than what I used to be. Sometimes it is all about letting go, it is about leaving behind and bidding adieu to the past in order to remain in the search for the better future.

P.S the Pokémon trading cards had to be thrown………


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